No updates today, as I’m scrubbing floors and walls so I can leave my apartment behind forever…

My college buddy Jason, fellow founder of the NMT Physics Junta, will be on Win Ben Stein’s Money. The taping’s this Thursday, and you are encouraged to [send him trivia questions](mailto:jstiffler@benson.mckenna.edu?Subject=Take his money!!!) to hone his skills.

Why call your psychic friends for a tarot reading at $2.99 a minute when Steve Jackson has The Silicon Valley Tarot online for free?

“Drop me in France with a toothbrush and a twenty. " I wish I could consistently write like Randy.

Zim’s Crack Creme is not at all a smooth dairy dessert made from crystalized coca extract, but rather a medicated skin salve. When watching the TV commercial half asleep at 1 in the morning, however, I wasn’t so sure.

Someone recently said my weblog was heavy into cows. I don’t recall mentioning cows more than anything else I write about, but when Memepool posted this link about mad cows, I had to pass it along here.

A vote for Brak is a vote for beans every day. Good gassy gobbledy-good beans, toodley-doo!

I’ve added a map to my house. It’s permanent home is on the About Me page.

Chapter 214: In which Eric is woken from a Rather Pleasant Dream

On my new front porch, I’ve hung a set of windchimes. I used to have them hung in my apartment’s living room, where the only wind would come from my neighbor’s subwoofers. Now, in their native environment, they make a relaxing tinkle. Last night, while I was having a Rather Pleasant Dream, the chimes began making a sound as loud as any alarm, waking me from my sleep. Grumbling and half-asleep, I went to the front door with the intent of removing the chimes and resuming my slumber. As soon as I unlatched the door, however, it nearly flew off its hinges and the wind, blowing directly at me, literally knocked me down and blew me across the room. Now wide-awake, it took all of my strength to close the door and re-latch it. No sooner did I do this when the lightning started striking all around me. I hadn’t watched the weather yesterday and wasn’t at all expecting a storm. I turned the TV to the weather channel, but the TV greeted me with “Satellite signal has been lost. Please wait.” The dish is mounted on my front porch, pointing square into the wind like a sail. The rain began, softly at first, but soon pounding on my tin roof. All the while, the wind increased until the noise was painful to my ears. I thought back to a conversation I had on Friday with my new neighbor: “I love living out here. The only thing that scares me are tornadoes.” I looked out the window and can just barely see her standing on her porch, hurridly throwing things indoors. Suddenly, the rain turned into large hailstones, and I became genuinely frightened. The noise was dreadful. Where was the safest part of the house, should it all blow over? No sooner had I decided, the hail stopped, the wind died down, and the TV came on. “Your future has been decided. Call now for your free Tarot reading! " No thanks. If it’s all the same, I’d really prefer Dopplar radar. After the commercials, the weather center returned and showed me the reds and yellows superimposed on the state of Georgia. The fellow explained to me that due to an unusual placement of the jet stream, hot and cold were colliding over my head and I could look forward to a string of heavy storms, one right after another, all night long. Tornadoes had already hit Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, and Tennessee. An arm came into view, passing him a sheet of paper. More tornadoes had been spotted in southwest Georgia. Across the state from me; there wasn’t even a watch for my area. I was somehow comforted by this and finally drifted off to an uneasy sleep. The Rather Pleasant Dream didn’t return. This morning, I see that those tornadoes in southwest Georgia killed at least 12 people.

I need a massage.