The local cult is getting restless. The Ancient Egiptian Order (I’ve written about them before) wants to settle down here in Athens, and they’ve launched an all-out public relations campaign to get accepted. The campaign consists mainly of glossy 11x17 fourpage tracts. I really wish I could share them with you, as they are priceless. They alternate nice soothing language ("We are hoping for a warm welcoming as we stand with our arms open with brotherly love and peace. “) with angry rebuttals ("Again slander and defamation of character is illegal and and prejudice also morally wrong. You don’t take a long term lease on a property on Earth likeRev. York if you intend to fly away in a flying saucer. This statement is derogatory and insulting.” and nonsense jibber jabber ("Well, the fact of the matter is Jesus was never called a Christian during his life here on Earth. The word Christian was first used in Syria’s Antioch.Acts 11:26 So we as Egiptians or Ethiopians by descendancy respect the term “Christians” but prefer the term Nuwaupians or Egiptians.") Clearly, they did not utilize a public relations expert when putting these things together. The tracts are beautifully illustrated, a hallmark of, um, Egiptian literature. The best line out the the four pages is the last: We have only one Website listed above, all others are kooks.

Curious why they spell Egypt the way they do, I went to their website, which has a helpful FAQ:

_Question: Why we use an “I” in the word “egipt/ejipt” and “egiptian” instead of a “y”?

Answer: The letter “I” is the ninth letter of the English alphabet, and being most of your languages is being taught to you through this language, the ancient ones also put a protection over you. We call it “nine eye”, or the “a’iyn principle,” as the ninth letter is “I” for the first person singular, you, the ego. To distinguish our order from others who may use the standard spelling with a “y” we replaced it with the “i”._

And that cleared things right up for me.

Welcome back, Kim!

With the heavens for a canvas, from zenith to the southwest horizon, the greatest of Artists, Nature, had painted another glorious masterpiece, the motif being continuous areas of variable size and contour, in a soft medium tone of ultramarine or lapis lazuli blue, each framed in clouds of brilliant silver, copper and gold, while therestless waters of Beaufort Bay were mirrored in exquisite pastel shades. On a pale pearl azure background, Luna, the Queen of Night, appears in luminous splendor, wearing, in honor of the Harvest Month, a royal robe of turquoise blue beneath a shimmering gossamer veil of silvery grey. The radiant picture now in its entirety presents an entrancing ensemble of color and beauty, suggesting in its enchantment an approach to the celestial Gates of Paradise and adds another glory to the Carolina Coast.  -- Gilbert Augustus Selby, 1934

It’s time for another getaway. Two days here will do the trick, I think, especially since there’s moonlight kayaking involved, under the full moon. The coast’s most romantic community, indeed!

Derek Powazek was in a world of hurt. But then he found Casa Carmelita. This is just one of Derek’s San Francisco stories. Read them all.

Down here in the South, there’s enough nookie for everybody. Now there’s some news you can use!

The internet has driven some old companies out of business. Many new dot-coms haven’t been able to keep up the pace and have closed their doors. And then there’s the 200 year old G.H. Bent company. “Since this internet thing, it’s exploded,” says the company’s 71 year old retired former owner. Business has been booming as of late. The product? Hardtack. Beloved by soldiers for over 100 years, now re-enactors are rushing out to try the real thing. And by “beloved” I mean “despised”. But it’s all the rage now, I guess.

Send in the clowns! Hickory’s Clown Alley is your internet source for all things clown, including the ever helpful advice for dealing with scared children. It’s almost time for the virtual clown convention, your chance to find out how many clowns can squeeze into a PDA.

To celebrate 10 years on the BRitish airwaves, the cast of The Simpsons will be reading scripts live next week. Edinburgh on Friday and London the following Monday and Tuesday. It’d be fantastic to see, but odds are slim that I’ll be there. Man, do I need me a sugar daddy.

A gentleman came by my office today to tell me how much he enjoyed the play. He took the time to look me up, figure out where I worked, and thank me in person. I’m flabbergasted.

The horoscopes that I linked to last week, Free Will Astrology, is now being carried by Salon. I’m not a horoscope kind of guy, but I really enjoy reading Rob Brezsny’s writings.